Saturday, August 25, 2012

Apologies + chicken


Talking to my new roommate the other night:

R: Maggie, I have a confession to make. It's really, really creepy.
Me: Okay? (Is she really dead? Is she hiding a body? Does she know when she's going to die? Why can't I get off being dead?)
R: I read your blog. Before I even met you.

Which reminded me, oh yeah, I have a blog. And I guess I haven't updated that for five months. So probably, what, my dad and my aunt and two other people might think I'm dead (what is wrong with me today?). Well, I'm not dead! I really can't be blamed, though. It's been a busy few months: moving home, taking summer classes, saying goodbye to missionaries, being involved in a national scandal (No, not that scandal. This one), road-tripping the USA, working at day camps, and finally moving back to the city and starting classes again. It's been emotionally charged and exhausting, but productive and fun.

Nonetheless, I will offer my apologies for being a total blog flake by sharing a new favorite recipe of mine. See, this is my first kitchen and I'm all excited to be making food. You can tell by the way I ate soup and tuna for the entire last week. But whatever.

Tip: "Antiquing" your food photos makes them 10x more appetizing.

Stovetop Buffalo Chicken

3 boneless chicken breasts
Flour
Salt and pepper
Olive oil spray
Store brand buffalo sauce

First, put on your apron that your dad made at Scout camp in the 70's. It looks like it came form Urban Outfitters, but you didn't even pay anything for it! Then cut each chicken breast into two and smoosh them with your hands until they are thin. This is a very professional thing to do that will make them tender and help them cook faster on the stove. Just remember to wash your hands and everything around you, because there are worms you can get that can eat your brain. I'm not actually sure if those worms live in raw chicken, but.

(My thought process: Aren't there chicken worms that can eat your brain? Or is that pork? How much did that educational law textbook cost again? I guess I won't risk it.)

Then coat the chicken in flour and salt and pepper them. Get lots of flour on there. Then throw them in a pan on the stove, one at a time because your pan is very tiny and probably used to be used for camping, mostly. Spray it all down with lots of olive oil and flip it and spray it it until the smoke detector goes off. Then open the windows and make sure it isn't actually the carbon monoxide detector. Once you are sure of this, check the chicken for doneness (brain worms) and set aside. Repeat with each piece.

Once all the pieces are done, throw them in the pan again and mix them up with the cheapest buffalo sauce you could possibly find. This makes three servings, so you also have dinner and lunch the next day. Your intestines will tell you this is a bad idea, but they're lying. You're fine. Pairs well with blue cheese dressing, grapefruit juice, and a canker sore.